You have to go to Sears to get your grandmother a blouse (she likes the ones that are purple)
(set: $money to 1000)
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go to Sears->Go to Sears]]
[[Don't->First Ending]]
(set: $money to 1000)
(set: $moneyclean to 0)
(set: $hasblouse to 0)
(set: $creepdead to 0)
(set: $nudestaken to 0)
(set: $creepmugged to 0)
(set: $brokenplates to 0)
(set: $manpayed to 0)
(set: $gotdrugs to 0)
(set: $bestend to 0)You don't go to Sears and now your grandmother is dissappointed.
The End
[[Restart|Start]]There is a homeless man outside Sears that runs into every parking space before you can get into it and is asking for 34 cents to let you park.
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Run him over|Run him over]]
[[Pay him|Pay him]](set: $money to $money - 34)
(set: $manpayed to $manpayed + 1)
He says, "Actually, I'm gonna need 34 more cents."
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Run him over|Run him over]]
(if: $money > 34)[[[Pay him|Pay him]]](else:)[[[Run him over|Run him over]]]You run over and kill an old homeless man
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Continue to Sears|Sears]]
[[Commit suicide|Commit suicide]]You stroll on ova' to the blouses (bloose?). (if: $hasblouse is 0)[You see that your grandmother's favorite purple blouse costs $11]
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $hasblouse is 0)[[[Take blouse|Take blouse]]]
[[Go back|Sears]]You get in your car and drive to heaven. Your grandmother is distraught.
You have (print: asDollars($money))
The end!
[[Restart|Start]]You are in the middle of Sears, it feels like a relic of civilizations gone by. Where do you go now?
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Bathrooms|Bathrooms]]
[[Plates|Plates]]
[[Washing machines|Washing machines]]
[[Blouse section|Blouse section]]
[[Checkout|Checkout]]
[[Back home|Second Ending]](if: $moneyclean is 5)[(if: $money is 132)[[[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/Xj9aYBR.jpg" />|Start]]
Game created by Jacob Pardo!(if: $egg is 1)[
Haven't you already been here?](set: $egg to 1)]]
(else:)[(if: $hasblouse is 0)[You didn't get the Blouse and now Grandma is sad]
(if: $hasblouse is 1)[Grandma is delighted to see her new blouse with the security tag still on. Congrats you thieving scumbag! (Good End)]
You have (print: asDollars($money))
The End
(if: $hasblouse is 0)[[[Restart|Start]]]]You see some lean mean washing machines.
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $money >= 500)[[[Do some money laundering (5$)|Money Laundering]]]
[[Go back|Sears]](set: $money to $money - 500)
(set: $moneyclean to $moneyclean + 1)
Your dollars are sparkling.
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go back|Sears]](set: $hasblouse = 1)
You pick up grandma's ugly blouse
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go back|Sears]](if: $hasblouse is 0)[The cashier says, "If you aren't gonna buy anything, get the sam hill out of my store."]
(if: $hasblouse is 1)[The cashier says, "You gonna buy that ugly blouse or what?"]
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $hasblouse is 1)[[[Buy Blouse|Buy Blouse]]]
[[Go back|Sears]]She says, "You got the money already? I don't got all day."
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $money >= 1100)[[["Yeah lady, I got it right here."|Pay]]]
(if: $money < 1100)[[[Make a break for it|Second Ending]]]
[[Go back|Sears]](if: $moneyclean is 0)["This money is filthy! I ain't taking no dirty money!"]
(if: $moneyclean > 0)[(set: $money to $money - 1100) "Thanks for nothing."]
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $moneyclean is 0)[[[Make a break for it|Second Ending]]]
(if: $moneyclean is 0)[[[Go back|Sears]]]
(if: $moneyclean >= 1)[[[Go home|Go home]]]You're on your way to grandma's when you see a guy on the side of the road selling illegal drugs
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go for the drugs|Drug Dealer]]
[[Go to Grandma's|Third Ending]](if: $creepdead is 0)[(if: $nudestaken is 0)[There is a creepy guy in a trenchcoat and a fedora in the bathroom. He says, "I'll give you $6 if you let me sniff your arm."]]
(if: $creepdead is 1)[You are in a normal bathroom, besides the corpse on the floor.]
(if: $nudestaken is 1)[The creep is gone.]
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $creepdead is 0)[(if: $nudestaken is 0)[[[Accept his offer|take nudes]]]]
(if: $creepdead is 0)[(if: $nudestaken is 0)[[[Give him a mean right hook|kill creep]]]]
(if: $creepdead is 1)[(if: $creepmugged is 0)[[[Rob his corpse|rob creep]]]]
[[Go back|Sears]](set: $money to $money + 600)
(set: $nudestaken to 1)
He smells your arm. He smells like tuna.
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go back|Sears]](set: $creepdead to 1)
You instantly snap his brittle neck with your punch.
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $creepmugged is 0)[[[Rob his corpse|rob creep]]]
[[Go back|Sears]](set: $creepmugged to 1)
(set: $money to $money + 700)
He had $7
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go back|Sears]](if: $brokenplates is 0)[There sure are a lot of pristine plates here.]
(if: $brokenplates >= 1)[(if: $brokenplates < 13)[Ceramic shards litter the area. At least you're not cleaning this up]]
(if: $brokenplates is 13)[All the plates are broken.]
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $brokenplates < 13)[[[Break a plate|Break a plate]]]
[[Go Back|Sears]](set: $brokenplates to $brokenplates + 1)
(if: $brokenplates < 13)[You feel a fleeting satisfaction.]
(if: $brokenplates is 13)[(set: $money to $money + 1000)Woah! This plate had $10 hidden inside!]
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go back|Plates]]"I got all the drugs under the sun, son. Now are you gonna buy something or, like, what?"
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[["How much are they?"|Deal]]
[[Go home|Third Ending]](if: $gotdrugs is 0)[Congratulations! You got grandma her blouse and you feel a little bit better about yourself. You do wish you got those drugs, though. (Good End)]
(if: $gotdrugs is 1)[(if: $bestend is 0)[Like the scumbag you are, you choose drugs over your grandmother's happiness and live the rest of your life out on the street. Way to go. (Bad End)]]
(if: $bestend is 1)[Congratulations! You got grandma her blouse, and drugs for yourself! This is the best possible ending to the game. (Best End)]
You have (print: asDollars($money))
You cleaned your money $moneyclean times.
(if: $creepdead is 1)[You chose to kill the bathroom creep.]
(if: $nudestaken is 1)[You let the bathroom creep smell your arm.]
(if: $brokenplates < 13)[You broke $brokenplates plates.]
(if: $brokenplates is 13)[You found the money hidden in the 13th plate!]
You gave the old man (print: $manpayed * 34) cents.
(if: $egg is 0)[You didn't find the easter egg, darn.]
(if: $egg is 1)[Congrats on finding my picture!]
The End!
(if: $gotdrugs is 1)[(if: $bestend is 0)[[[Restart|Start]]]]"My drugs cost 11 dollars, but I could trade them for something that costs 11 dollars."
You have (print: asDollars($money))
(if: $money >= 1100)[[[Pay for the drugs|Pay 4 drugs]]]
[[Trade the blouse|Trade 4 drugs]]
[[Go Home|Third Ending]](set: $gotdrugs to 1)
(set: $bestend to 1)
(set: $money to $money - 1100)
"Pleasure doing business with ya."
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go Home|Third Ending]](set: $gotdrugs to 1)
"Pleasure doing business with ya."
You have (print: asDollars($money))
[[Go Home|Third Ending]]